![“['The Bachelor'] is over-the-top, dramatic, and often unrealistic, but that’s what makes it so entertaining,” junior Hima Binu said.](https://nhpchariotonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/IMG_0977-1200x748.jpeg)
In what can only be described as the latest “revolution” in educational technology, NHP Memorial High School has proudly received a shipment of brand-new SewanhakaSmart TVs, promising to enhance the learning experience in ways previously unimaginable.
These SewanhakaSmart TVs have features that bring us into the future. For one, they track time down to the milli-milli-milli-milli-milli-milli-milli-milli-milli-milli-milli second. Lab data in science classes will never be more accurate! Imagine those chemistry students using that accuracy to get the exact time the titration turns pink. ZERO PERCENT ERROR BABY!
Additionally, with the student’s well-being in mind, the TVs will provide real-time temperature updates. Not just for the classrooms, oh no. These TVs are ready to track the exact temperature in every corner of the school—hallways, under the desks, and, of course, the toilets. One can only imagine the joy in knowing exactly how warm it is in the bathroom stalls during seventh period.
Of course, I could not forget the daily motivational quotes. After securing a million-dollar deal with OpenAI, we managed to have them create an AI that produces ten new inspirational quotes every day. From “Do it!” to “Don’t be scared now, child!” these quotes are designed to keep everyone moving forward. Instead of traditional announcements, this AI bot, which has been named “Gajnfjeahfuaeifda the GladGladiator,” will cleverly incorporate daily updates into the tune of “Thunder” by Imagine Dragons.
These Smart TVs have yet another awesome feature: it comes with 45 high resolution pictures of our school, with brand-new angles such as under-the-desks, through the vents and inside the vending machines (to capture students enjoying schoolie, of course!)
However, with these new additions, the school has been forced to undergo severe budget cuts. All existing ACs have been removed along with the radiators. The school won’t have any heating in the winters or cooling during the hot summer months. Don’t fret though! “Gajnfjeahfuaeifda the GladGladiator” will generate images of Greenland during winter and Iceland during summer to simulate comforting weather. Students are advised to dress appropriately such as wearing short-sleeves during the winter and parkas during the summer.
Additionally, OpenAI, as advanced as it is, uses gallons of water to generate its prompts. So instead of using our plumbing system for plumbing, we will use it for the bot. This means we will not be able to flush toilets for around a year. While students may complain about the fact that human waste will be piled up in the toilets, they must understand that “Gajnfjeahfuaeifda the GladGladiator” is currently a priority over cleanliness right now. Also, don’t forget the temperature readings will let you know the status in these lavatories!
Anyhoo, let’s give a warm welcome to our SewanhakaSmart TVs and our very own AI bot, “Gajnfjeahfuaeifda the GladGladiator”! These brand-new additions will elevate our education to new heights. It won’t be long until we are ranked the most tech savvy school in Long Island! That SMART school life, huh! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha
Just a side note, please do not drink the water from the fountains…you can infer why not…
