Each Chariot article contains at least three student quotes and one faculty quote. This is to ensure we have a diverse range of NHP’s opinion covered in our articles. However, what if I told you that behind every single quote in the Chariot was one person. Dating back to the Chariot’s creation in 350 BCE, this singular student has written (and spoken) every quote in the paper. That person is none other than senior Isabelle Do. 

“All the good ones, all the bad ones—it was all me. You think the student body has opinion? Hah! What a joke,” quotesman Do said. 

Quotesperson Do has been properly attributed in a handful of Chariot articles (see: Paper, Lunar Eclipse, Presidential Debates and DTI.) As a super senior of how ever many years have passed since 350 BCE, you can bet that Do has a wide range of interests—which can explain how she spoke on the ROBLOX hit game DTI as well as on the presidential debates. She also has a developed reading repertoire as can be seen from her quote on the aforementioned presidential debates article, “I mean, I’m all for a good golf talk, but this isn’t The Golfer’s Journal.” (She would know as she pays $275 a year for the Premium Golfer’s membership.) 

Of course, those four quotes are only the tip of the iceberg. In our article covering the annual Science Olympiad competition, Do was behind even the president’s quote. “Science Olympiad isn’t all about competition, but is an awesome opportunity to collaborate with other students and further interests in science,” President Clayton Yu—Sorry—Isabelle Do said. 

Do you truly believe we reached out to Mr. D’Ammassa for our article about “Arcane,” “The Last of Us” and “Squid Game”? No. That was Do as well. For all we know, Mr. D’Ammassa may not even know what Netflix is. 

We’ve kept the secret for many years. As a paper that prides itself on transparency and our utmost dedication to our readers, I know that many of you are disappointed. But you have to understand, we had no choice. 

“No one is willing to go out there and just ask strangers for a quote,” Do said. “This generation is terribly antisocial. Sometimes, you just need to put yourself out there.” 

That’s right. The reason that Do has to churn out quotes day and night (rumor is that she lives underneath the Student Activities’ table) is because people simply just do not want to go out and ask their peers a question. Tell us readers, how could we release articles without the heart of the piece—the quotes? 

You might be wondering why we are revealing this all now. Well, it is finally time for Do to retire. That’s right. She’s finally graduating. 

“I’m so happy Isabelle is finally getting out of our house,” Isabelle’s mother said. “I mean, she’s been here for way too long.”

“Yeah. Thank goodness she finally passed her Geometry regents,” Isabelle’s father said. 

And from the quotesperson herself: “I’m afraid I’ve done it. Scored above a 50 on my Geometry regents. Frankly, I never thought this day would come. I’m so grateful that I can finally achieve my dreams of becoming the beloved Stanford Tree.”

“This is the end of the many eras that have passed during my time at NHP,” Do continues. “I, frankly, don’t know how The Chariot will function without me. Well. . . I guess there is one way.” 

WRITERS, GET YOUR QUOTES!