In New Hyde Park Memorial High School, a disturbing phenomenon has emerged: students who ask to go to the bathroom seemingly never return for the rest of the period! 

This disappearance crisis has escalated to what some are now calling a full-scale “school mystery.” Teachers have reported eyewitness testimonies that once a student utters the now infamous phrase, “Can I go to the bathroom?” there is a significant chance they will not be seen again for the remainder of the period.

“I’m honestly curious myself,” an anonymous teacher said. “The second I answer ‘yes,’ these kids literally ghost me. Like, I’m talking about instant vaporization. I’m starting to think it’s some kind of dark magic. I gotta start buying more crystals, praying to my salt lamp, and probably learning how to banish demons during homeroom.”

Sightings of these reported missing students have also been made, claiming that these students wander aimlessly throughout the school, often in groups and displaying no intention of returning to class. Some seem to have formed communities by water fountains and security desks, while others are reportedly spotted illegally using their PHes.

“Bro, it’s actually starting to get annoying with all the wandering students by the water fountains,” sophomore John Cena said. “I really need to stay hydrated and have my eight Stanley cups of water a day.”

Staff has yet to confirm these disappearances, though theories range from from “extended handwashing” to “sudden loss of academic motivation.” Some students claim that the bathroom is actually a secret passageway into a black hole of “I’ll do it later, dawg” energy, though this matter remains under investigation.

Despite the growing concern, many students remain undeterred.

“If you don’t come back, you don’t come back,” senior Alexander Krawczyk said. “It’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

As of now, current policy is sparse and loosely enforced, such as the rule prohibiting bathroom use during the first and last ten minutes of the period. However, the administration has been considering stricter hall monitoring and security at restroom stations.

Until then, the issue remains standing.