College admission counselors and offices have banded together to announce a new way for students to be accepted to college.
Seeing the popularity of the Winter Olympics, they believe that this will bring out the best, the worst and the real personalities of students, rather than the carefully knit, overseen by AI version.
The first event is known as the SAT sprint. How many SATs can you take within a school year?
As a year-long event, students will need to start training in freshman year. Only the ones with the largest brains and highest endurance will survive. All those without 1900s will immediately be eliminated.
The second event is the essay speedrun. Students race to complete as many supplementals and essays in an hour. Tick, tick, the clock is ticking. This event does require the participant to pay a fee for every essay they write.
“It’s unbelievable. I thought it was a joke,” said a senior, who didn’t want colleges to take back his admissions offer. “I’m so glad I already committed to college.”
Only after passing these two events will college admissions even consider granting you admission, no matter what school you’d like to attend. Officers warn that if they catch you cheating, you will lose all chances of your future.
“I saw a student order DoorDash during the essay speedrun. I heard they got rejected from every college they applied to and was somehow waitlisted by their own high school,” said a freshman who attended the event to learn.
When the college admissions officers were asked why they chose to do such a thing and whether they considered the well-being of the students, they shared several concerning statements.
“Students have well-beings? Why?” one asked, appearing quite serious about it.
“Survival of the fittest!” another answered, before frolicking away, probably to ruin another student’s life.
While other events are included, it destroys my mental health to talk about and think about preparing for them. Hopefully, this article can count towards the juggling extracurriculars event.
Good Luck competitors! I plan on dominating this year’s competition!
